I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
