You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
