you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
