I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
