Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Will exercising make me less horny?
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