i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
