obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
