Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my poor anus
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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