dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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