.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
