like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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