I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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