ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
