No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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