My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize