Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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