Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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