I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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