4 words: hood of his car
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
