New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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