with your own penis?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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