I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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