who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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