Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
