matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
