she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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