in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
