can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
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they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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