So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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