They should really pass out barf bags in church
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
