i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
