I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
