Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
