I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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