im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
