My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I have post one night stand depression
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