i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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