im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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