Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
