She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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