I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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