There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
