i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
