Define "chronic" masturbator.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
