dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I came so hard my ears popped.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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