How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
