the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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