True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize