I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
