I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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