I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
