I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
