its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
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after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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