her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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