she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
