I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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