Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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