he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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