The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sober January is a disaster.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
two words...techno handjob
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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