You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
