Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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