Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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